LaRosa Johnson {dot} com

I have to be honest for a minute. For the past month or two, I’ve found it incredibly hard to find time to study, or at the very least get motivated to study the Scriptures. Of course, I have my moments where I just dig in my heels and study like there’s no tomorrow, and I enjoy every minute of it. Yet, it feels like those moments are few & far between.

A perfect example of this is May 29, that night I spent a good amount of time exegeting the first few verses of 1st Thessalonians 3. Before that, I had spent the two previous nights just reading the chapter over multiple times to make sure I had a grasp on the big picture. Now, that’s all fine, except for the fact that I haven’t gotten back to the study since then. When I started the chapter, I was motivated and had the desire to just knock it out as fast as I could, and now here I am almost 2.5 weeks later and I haven’t touched it. What’s up with that?!

I can’t help but think to myself, “What’s going on?” How can I go from reading through the entire Bible in less than six months and being pretty consistent in my studies to completely falling off the map? I don’t have the answers, but I realize that I have to look at life and see where things are. For the past few months Robin had been in school and had homework to do nearly every night, so there was adequate time in the evening to study with the house being very quiet after putting the kids to bed. Now that that’s over (except for another month of it with her final class starting next month), that “routine” is out the window. Then there’s the simple fact of studying in the evenings. I’m a morning person, so the night isn’t when I’m at my best, yet that seems to be the only time that I have available to me for study, which isn’t the greatest thing. That being said, I really don’t see myself getting up any earlier than I already do because I already know that my brain isn’t that awake first thing in the morning. Lastly, there’s the fact that my desk & de facto office is the living room where everyone lives, which means that there is never a moment that I can close the door & study (even with headphones). Sadly, with the way this house is configured, there’s no other option.

Taking all of that into consideration, the question is: what do I do? How can I find that consistency that I desire for wanting to study when I have a home life that is far from being consistent or conducive to study at the times when I’m at my best? I can’t help but think that when we purchase our next house, we’re going to have to shoot for one with five bedrooms so that we can make one into an office/study. Hopefully & prayerfully, that can happen in February 2011. Until then, I have to figure something else out, and I’m more than open to suggestions.

As a final side note, the desire to spend my day studying the Word of God has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I love my job, but I love studying the Bible more. I would love to be able to spend my days studying, writing devotions & Bible studies for Trailblazin Ministries, recording audio & video teachings, and sharing the Word with whoever will listen. If I could have my way, while still supporting my family, that’s what I would do. At the moment, I have no idea how I would even go about making that happen. It’s something that I will leave as a matter of prayer and hope that maybe the Lord can open that door sooner rather than later, whether it be doing Trailblazin Ministries fulltime or pastoring a church (doing TM alongside it). That’s all in the Lord’s hands, and He knows the desires of my heart. Right now, though, I just need to find some consistency, and fast.

If I were to be honest, I would have to admit that the past couple of weeks have been really interesting and a true test of my resolve to have patience & rest in Jesus Christ.

Without going into details, there are some matters in my life that are leaving me with a couple of directions to be taken, one of which could completely change things around like nothing else possibly could. That’s fine because any direction I take can be deemed as “good,” at least when looking at it from a distance. The problem lies in the fact that I know only one of them is what God wants, and I want to be one hundred percent sure that I’m lining up with what He wants, and not what may seem best for me at the given time.

Figuring out what God wants isn’t the problem, because I’m sure that I’ll have no doubt what direction to go in when the time is right. The issue right now is that I’m personally ready to make a decision one way or the other to simply get it all over with, but I can’t do that. The circumstances surrounding the decisions to be made demand that I wait before I can move forward. God has chosen to withhold some details in the matter and I’m forced to pray and wait until those details are revealed. I have no qualms with waiting, except for the fact that waiting is giving my imagination an opportunity to run wild with all of the “what if” scenarios that I can possibly come up with, knowing that it only adds to the excitement/frustration.

Even though I hate having to wait, I know that it’s for the best and it’s another object lesson in my spiritual maturity. Will I find rest in the midst of the “storm” that’s surrounding me by leaving it all in His hands? I think I can; I think I am. I can’t help but to think of my friend Pastor Cliff Beveridge and the patience that he & his wife had to endure while waiting to be placed in ministry after his ordination. It took a year before he got an answer, but he was still resting in faith and working faithfully where the Lord had him at that time. I’m hoping that I can live out that same example, finding rest while also being patient, knowing that I have no choice but to wait on the Lord and recognizing that He will make it all clear in His perfect timing. I’m thankful for the fact that I have enough on my plate to keep me busy/distracted because it makes waiting & resting that much easier.

But, I will be glad when all is made clear and a decision can be made.

The last few weeks have been mentally taxing. It’s a rare thing for opportunity to come knocking at the door; and, it’s even rarer for an opportunity to literally knock the door down and place itself in your hand. Well, this is a situation I’ve found myself dealing with.

Now, most people, given the opportunity would jump on it without a second thought. Quite honestly, I would do the exact same thing, and would love nothing more than to take this opportunity up on its offer. But, there’s a catch. You see, the current circumstances surrounding my life are preventing me from accepting the offer, at least for the time being. More than anything, the one thing that’s keeping me from jumping all over this offer is the fact that I’ve committed myself to training my spiritual gift of pastor-teacher, which is something that I am absolutely not willing to abandon, especially not after having put in two years of work. I’m not willing to abandon what I know to be God’s will for my life right now, not even for what may be the opportunity of a lifetime.

In many ways, I know this is nothing more than a test of my resolve to see what’s more important to me. Well, the answer is quite obvious and it was easy to make, although it leaves me mentally taxed with “what ifs” and monkeying with scenarios. The fact of the matter is that I know where God wants me to be right here & right now, which is training my gift, and that’s where I’m going to stay.

Even though it’s not remotely related, I can’t help but to think of Saul when he was given orders to destroy the Amalekites (1 Samuel 15). He followed Samuel’s instructions except for the fact that he kept back some of the choice livestock, instead of destroying it all as the Lord had commanded. It was at this point that God rejected Saul and his line as king over Israel. Although it doesn’t completely relate to my circumstance, it has taught me the importance of complete obedience to the Lord, and not just following His instruction partly. The words of Samuel in 1 Samuel 15:22 still ring in my ears, “to obey is better than sacrifice.” The rest of what he says hits pretty hard too.

I feel that if I took this opportunity right now, I’d be putting myself in the same situation as Saul when he didn’t completely obey the Lord. I have my instructions (finish my training), and I have to see that through, and not just do it halfway, even if I think this opportunity may benefit me & still be honoring to God. The fact is that this is most honoring to God, so that’s where I need to be. If the Lord wills, the door of opportunity will remain open until my training is complete and the Lord allows for me to take hold of it; otherwise, I will view this as a matter of testing to see where my heart and focus are. I will say that I appreciate the opportunity set before me, but it’s not worth squandering what God has placed before me.

I’m in the midst of my journey to read through the Bible in a year. Within the past couple of weeks I’ve finished Exodus & Leviticus, and now I’m about halfway through Numbers. It’s been an exciting read thus far. I’ve been motivated to read and a lot of stuff that didn’t make sense before is being comprehended this time around.

With my recent reading, the Lord has really been rocking me. I’m seeing how the Israelites are being delivered & provided for time & time again by the Lord God, only to spit back in his face & complain. On more than one occasion God was ready to take out the Israelites because of their disobedience. Even people that you wouldn’t think would rise up against the Lord, like Miriam & Aaron, had their moments. It’s crazy, seriously! The Lord provides manna, but that’s not enough; no, they want more meat! The Israelites want to know why they’re stuck in the wilderness & left to die or killed by those in the Promised Land, when they “had it made” in Egypt, when they were really enslaved. Oh, and you can’t forget the Levites trying to rise up on Moses & Aaron, wanting to know why they’re in charge.

In all of this, the Lord was quick to want to just take the Israelites out completely, wiping them off the face of the earth, wanting to just start over with Moses. It can’t be said lightly enough that God’s anger toward them was fuming and He wasn’t playing around. If it weren’t for Moses praying for forgiveness, I don’t doubt that God would have done it.

What’s the lesson in this for me? God doesn’t take lightly to grumbling & complaining. Just looking at the Israelites & their attitude, God wasn’t very pleased. I can only think that He’s looking at me in the same light when I act in a similar manner. More than anything, this is serving as motivation for me to continue walking upright, while making sure that I keep my griping to a minimum. Instead of complaining, I need to learn to be more thankful for what the Lord has provided, as opposed to looking back to the past or wanting more than what He’s already providing.

Thanks for the lesson, Lord!

Last month I started the process of coming up with ideas for Trailblazin Ministries, and I came up with a few that I felt would really benefit those who visit the site. The problem? They required a big commitment on my end, a commitment that I couldn’t realistically give myself to. The biggest of the goals was to do a plan that would take the site’s visitors through the entirety of the Bible in two years, with daily lessons Monday through Friday.

I tossed the ideas back & forth in my mind constantly in the days leading up to the new year, all the way up until yesterday. It was at that time that I finally decided that I couldn’t do it. I already have a lot on my plate, and there’s no way that I could feasibly do all that I wanted to do without suffering in another area. Would my 1st Thessalonians study suffer? Would my time with family suffer? Would my training suffer? I realized that something was going to suffer if I went ahead with this plan; or, at the very least, I would get a month or two into this and end up quitting, which wouldn’t look good at all.

Now, I’m not committing myself to resolutions, but I do have plans for the new year. First and foremost, I want to read my Bible from Genesis to Revelation in this year. I personally don’t think it would be wise for me to have made it to the end of my training to be a pastor without first having read through the Bible at least once. I started a chronological reading plan back in November and already have a pretty good head start, so I look forward to seeing this one through. This is one of my biggest goals.

Next to that is being a better father & husband, which is my first ministry. I can’t possibly live up to my new position of deacon or a soon-to-be pastor if I can’t manage my household well. So, I want to try my hardest to have consistent family devotions (maybe at least 1-2x a week) and pray with Robin more. I also need to work harder at spending quality time with each child.

I also want to be more diligent in my ministry training at Austin Bible Church. I want to make sure that I’m learning Hebrew & Greek to the best of my ability, and learning all that I can in the ministry workshop courses. That also means being diligent in working through my 1st Thessalonians study so that I can be prepared to teach it to the congregation when the Lord allows us to meet in our new building.

Finally, I just want to continue doing what I’ve been doing with Trailblazin Ministries, even if it does remain small. I realize that what’s important right now is my training & I just have to keep TM running. Once my training is done, I’ll be better equipped and have the time to do more with the site, which will allow me to better reach the world at large with the truth of God’s Word.

Those are my goals for the year. They’re all realistic & obtainable. Nothing high & lofty, and stuff that I should be doing anyway. The best part of it all is that I don’t have to do it on my own, but I’ll have the help of God the Holy Spirit, who is able to accomplish all things. Amen.

It’s nice when you wake up and get an unexpected surprise. Today I had a twofold surprise. First, I woke up this morning and was checking Google Reader and was going through all of the blogs I follow. There’s nothing unusual about that, except for the fact that Logos mentioned me in their latest blog entry. Last week, I posted an article on Trailblazin Ministries that gave an overview of Logos Bible Software 4. So, in their blog post, they were talking about all of the different users who had made videos talking about the software, and I was one of the few mentioned. That was really nice to see given the fact that I put it up on the site and only publicized it through a single tweet on Twitter.

The bonus to this is that the desktop app pulls in the Logos blog and displays it on the home page. So, I get the extra blessing of seeing my name displayed in my Bible software’s home page. How cool is that?! I don’t know, I’m a geek like that, but it just made me feel good. More than anything, I’m just glad that people appreciated the video and found it worth talking about.

The second surprise when my in-laws, who are in town for Thanksgiving, unexpectedly gave me a few dollars to have as spending money. That was a pleasant gift, the kind that gives you warm fuzzies. Now to figure out what to spend it on, LOL. I’m thinking about buying more books for Logos. I’ve got my eye on the MacArthur & McGee eBible packages so that I can import the unlocked books into Logos 4, but I’ll think it over.

Anyway, both of those were nice surprises and I thank God for them. A nice way to round out all the thankfulness that I expressed this past week. Thanks God.

I’ve been thinking about this topic lately, and I thought about it some tonight while I was driving to my Hebrew class. Am I too nonchalant about things?

For the most part, I’m a calm guy and it takes a lot to get me riled up (my kids are another story, LOL). Life is stressful & busy, but even that doesn’t bother me or make me lose my cool. I roll with the punches and keep on going. Sometimes, though, I wonder if this is such a good thing. A perfect example would be my finances. My money is tight, sometimes in the red. Does that bother me? Not really. Sure, it concerns me and I do what I can to better manage my money, but I don’t let it get to me or bend me out of shape. I remain cool about it all. I’ll find out about stuff that’s going on with my family, like when my grandfather passed away from cancer. Was I sad to lose him? Yes, but I was still calm about it, almost too calm if you ask me.

The more I think about it, I realize that it’s probably the way I should be. The more I study Scripture, it makes sense. If I’m focused on my Father’s business and heavenly things, then the rest of what happens in my life is an afterthought. The bad things? Momentary light afflictions that pale in comparison to what God has in store for me. The good things? Highlights that give me opportunity to thank the Lord for His kindness. I sometimes wonder if this is how Jesus was while walking the earth. Stuff was happening around Him, but He didn’t let it phase Him.

Whether it’s good or bad, I’ll keep walking this way because it keeps me from being anxious (a command from Scripture) and from fearing. My faith is in the Lord, and I’ll keep rolling with whatever comes my way because I realize that it’s all part of God’s design for me & my family. Maybe being nonchalant in a Christian way can be a good thing…

Just a brief update on my “experiments”…

Experiment One: So far, I can’t say that I’ve completely abandoned hip-hop, but it has definitely been sparse. The only hip-hop I’ve really listened to are albums that needed to be put in the queue for review on Trailblazin Ministries. As the gatekeeper of the site, I need to continue to make sure that what gets covered has acceptable content. I have been listening to a lot of new music, though. I’ve found a few new jazz artists that I like, thanks to my friend Antoine. I’ve also picked up some R&B/Soul too, so that’s been a nice listen. It’s definitely been a break in the monotony. In a lot of ways, my perspective on music has really changed for the better, even to the point of openly being more critical of the hip-hop I listen to. Of late, I’ve been able to listen to a CD once, extract its content & theme, and determine whether it’s good or not; not bad for a single listen.

Experiment Two: This one hasn’t gone quite like I planned, but it’s doing better than I expected. I’ve been able to have devotions ready for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I count it a success. Still finding it a bit difficult to get in all of the studying I would like, so I need to figure that out. Partly it’s because I’ve found myself drained, of late, so much so that the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer and try to read. It’s one of those things where my spirit is willing, but my flesh is apparently weak, fat & lazy. I’m going to pray and see where I can do better.

Experiment Three: Things are getting better at work. My motivation is coming back, slowly, and I’m finally starting to get into a groove with things, making sure people are getting things done and that I’m able to tackle some tasks as well. Still growing here, but progress is what I’m looking for.

That’s it. Just a (somewhat) brief update. Off to do whatever.

In recent days, today included, I’ve had a few chats with my friend Antoine. On any given day, we talk about almost anything, especially in relation to living the Christian life. A few of our more recent conversations have really stuck in my head; most aren’t really related, other than showing the evolution of my spiritual walk and maturing as a person.

The first conversation was had earlier this week; we were chatting about Christian hip-hop music. I had mentioned the name of a few albums & songs that I had come across of late. Most of them left me shaking my head, and wondering what had become of the genre. In our chat, I had made a comment to the extent that I was really starting to lose hope/faith in the genre. His response to me was, “Starting? How about lost and looking for a reason to keep it there?” (paraphrase). It really made sense, and his follow-up comment wondering why I try to convince myself otherwise was spot on. For the most part, I have somewhat of a love-hate relationship with the genre. I still support it because I dig the music (most days) and my site has found a nice niche with it. On the other hand, there’s a lot I see that I could do without, leaving me wondering why I don’t just let it all go.

With that in mind, I’m going to try my first experiment. I’m going to get rid of most of the Christian hip-hop from my Zune and car (leaving it on my computer, of course). In its place, I’m going to make use of my Zune Pass and add some of the other musical genres that I’ve been listening to of late, particularly jazz, soul, UK R&B/Pop, some electronic music, and anything else I find appealing. There are a few CHH albums I’ll keep around because I find them edifying; but it will only be a few (let’s say less than 20 out of the hundreds that I own).

Why do it? Mainly to get along without it; I’ve basically been listening to it non-stop for a little more than a decade. I’m tired of waiting for the scene to mature, and it’s not like it’s my “calling.” So, I’m just going to let it be and see where God takes me. Who knows, I may not look back. I don’t have a timeframe for this experiment, I’m just going to let it take its course.

That’s the first experiment. The second conversation was had this afternoon. I was telling Antoine how I felt that Trailblazin Ministries was in a good place right now, other than the fact that I wish that I could have content to put up daily, instead of being so sporadic. I told him that I’d like to see devotions published daily (M-F) with a full length study published monthly, along with sporadic music reviews & articles. His comment to me was, “Why aren’t you?” I told him that it was a time issue. He told me that it was a lame excuse and that if I really wanted to do it I could make it happen by simply better managing my time & prioritizing (much like I did when I picked up Hebrew this year). In thinking about it, I see where he’s coming from. There’s a lot of idle time in the day where I find myself just surfing the Internet; I could use that time for study and writing.

So, that’s my second experiment. I’m going to challenge myself to cut back on the “idle” times and be more diligent at studying and writing. I don’t think I’ll immediately get to writing devotions every day of the week, but I can start with at least two or three per week, and build from there. As far as devotions go, I’ll probably have to pick up a few additional topics of study so that I can remain fresh without focusing too hard on a single subject. That will help because if I get stuck in one topic/study, I can move to another and keep moving with content.

Experiment number three? Nothing major, just continuing to improve my management skills at work and keeping myself motivated. That’s another talk Antoine & I had. His words of wisdom have had immediate benefit, making for a productive end of the week. I just need to keep growing and learning, figuring out what works best for me, instead of simply doing what may have worked for someone else.

Let the experiments commence…

The other day I was listening to Evangel’s solo album Expository Journey, and it was a good listen. It definitely reminded me of why it was a top 3 album for me in 2008. Well, this morning I woke up and I got to thinking about ministry and my training. In getting through my thoughts, there were plenty of mixed emotions, highs & lows, patience & impatience, and so on.

A part of this hit me yesterday when my wife & I agreed to renew our lease for another two years (instead of just doing it for a year, as we had done before). In previous years I was slow to want to make a commitment for that long because I really wasn’t sure where we’d be at that point in time. When I looked at my ministry training, though, I didn’t have a second thought about renewing our lease for two years. You see, at the very least, I know I have at least two years left (this year & next) for my ministry training. At most, I know I will have made it through my requisite three years of Greek and two years of Hebrew (if all goes as planned). Hopefully by that time, I’ll also be that much closer to being prepared for ordination and ministry.

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