Struggling to Find Consistency
I have to be honest for a minute. For the past month or two, I’ve found it incredibly hard to find time to study, or at the very least get motivated to study the Scriptures. Of course, I have my moments where I just dig in my heels and study like there’s no tomorrow, and I enjoy every minute of it. Yet, it feels like those moments are few & far between.
A perfect example of this is May 29, that night I spent a good amount of time exegeting the first few verses of 1st Thessalonians 3. Before that, I had spent the two previous nights just reading the chapter over multiple times to make sure I had a grasp on the big picture. Now, that’s all fine, except for the fact that I haven’t gotten back to the study since then. When I started the chapter, I was motivated and had the desire to just knock it out as fast as I could, and now here I am almost 2.5 weeks later and I haven’t touched it. What’s up with that?!
I can’t help but think to myself, “What’s going on?” How can I go from reading through the entire Bible in less than six months and being pretty consistent in my studies to completely falling off the map? I don’t have the answers, but I realize that I have to look at life and see where things are. For the past few months Robin had been in school and had homework to do nearly every night, so there was adequate time in the evening to study with the house being very quiet after putting the kids to bed. Now that that’s over (except for another month of it with her final class starting next month), that “routine” is out the window. Then there’s the simple fact of studying in the evenings. I’m a morning person, so the night isn’t when I’m at my best, yet that seems to be the only time that I have available to me for study, which isn’t the greatest thing. That being said, I really don’t see myself getting up any earlier than I already do because I already know that my brain isn’t that awake first thing in the morning. Lastly, there’s the fact that my desk & de facto office is the living room where everyone lives, which means that there is never a moment that I can close the door & study (even with headphones). Sadly, with the way this house is configured, there’s no other option.
Taking all of that into consideration, the question is: what do I do? How can I find that consistency that I desire for wanting to study when I have a home life that is far from being consistent or conducive to study at the times when I’m at my best? I can’t help but think that when we purchase our next house, we’re going to have to shoot for one with five bedrooms so that we can make one into an office/study. Hopefully & prayerfully, that can happen in February 2011. Until then, I have to figure something else out, and I’m more than open to suggestions.
As a final side note, the desire to spend my day studying the Word of God has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I love my job, but I love studying the Bible more. I would love to be able to spend my days studying, writing devotions & Bible studies for Trailblazin Ministries, recording audio & video teachings, and sharing the Word with whoever will listen. If I could have my way, while still supporting my family, that’s what I would do. At the moment, I have no idea how I would even go about making that happen. It’s something that I will leave as a matter of prayer and hope that maybe the Lord can open that door sooner rather than later, whether it be doing Trailblazin Ministries fulltime or pastoring a church (doing TM alongside it). That’s all in the Lord’s hands, and He knows the desires of my heart. Right now, though, I just need to find some consistency, and fast.
