LaRosa Johnson {dot} com

If I were to be honest, I would have to admit that the past couple of weeks have been really interesting and a true test of my resolve to have patience & rest in Jesus Christ.

Without going into details, there are some matters in my life that are leaving me with a couple of directions to be taken, one of which could completely change things around like nothing else possibly could. That’s fine because any direction I take can be deemed as “good,” at least when looking at it from a distance. The problem lies in the fact that I know only one of them is what God wants, and I want to be one hundred percent sure that I’m lining up with what He wants, and not what may seem best for me at the given time.

Figuring out what God wants isn’t the problem, because I’m sure that I’ll have no doubt what direction to go in when the time is right. The issue right now is that I’m personally ready to make a decision one way or the other to simply get it all over with, but I can’t do that. The circumstances surrounding the decisions to be made demand that I wait before I can move forward. God has chosen to withhold some details in the matter and I’m forced to pray and wait until those details are revealed. I have no qualms with waiting, except for the fact that waiting is giving my imagination an opportunity to run wild with all of the “what if” scenarios that I can possibly come up with, knowing that it only adds to the excitement/frustration.

Even though I hate having to wait, I know that it’s for the best and it’s another object lesson in my spiritual maturity. Will I find rest in the midst of the “storm” that’s surrounding me by leaving it all in His hands? I think I can; I think I am. I can’t help but to think of my friend Pastor Cliff Beveridge and the patience that he & his wife had to endure while waiting to be placed in ministry after his ordination. It took a year before he got an answer, but he was still resting in faith and working faithfully where the Lord had him at that time. I’m hoping that I can live out that same example, finding rest while also being patient, knowing that I have no choice but to wait on the Lord and recognizing that He will make it all clear in His perfect timing. I’m thankful for the fact that I have enough on my plate to keep me busy/distracted because it makes waiting & resting that much easier.

But, I will be glad when all is made clear and a decision can be made.

Over the weekend, while I was installing Windows 7, I had quite a bit of time to sit back & think. During that thinking, I think I had a bit of an epiphany, or something like that. It’s probably more along the lines of a personal revelation than anything else, especially given the fact that it’s a pretty obvious fact to most people.

What is that revelation? Simply put, you should use what’s going to work for you without worrying about the thoughts & opinions of others. If there’s something out there that works for you, then by all means you should use it, regardless of what people may think. For example, I still like & drink Kool-Aid at the age of 27, and I could care less what some of my friends may think. It’s a personal preference, it works for me, I like it, so I’m going to continue drinking it. Or a better example may be my use of the Microsoft Zune over the infinitely popular iPod from Apple. The Zune may not have the same cool factor, but for me it’s more functional and gives me a better experience than I would have if I owned an iPod.

Along those same lines, you shouldn’t try to make something be what it’s not designed to be. Of course, there will be people out there that think you should, for whatever reason; but I don’t think that you should. A Honda Civic isn’t designed to tow & haul stuff like a Ford F-150, so why would you even attempt to make the Civic perform the functions of the F-150? Instead of trying to make the Civic perform like the F-150, why not just use the F-150 and be done with it? That’s how I feel about some things. Some things are designed with a particular audience in mind, and it should be allowed to function in that capacity. We shouldn’t try to force it to be something that it’s not; instead, we should embrace it for what it is & use it for what it was designed for. At the same time, if you know that you’re going to do a lot of towing, skip the Honda Civic altogether and just use the F-150 because you know it’s going to be able to perform the way you need it to.

That’s the realization I came to this weekend. There’s been some stuff that I’ve been trying to push and use in a way that it wasn’t designed for. The problem with that is that I have the proper tools sitting right next to me; so, instead of forcing my screwdriver to be a drill, I just need to grab my power drill and use it to help me accomplish the job quickly & efficiently, especially when I know that it’s a better tool & I like it better anyway.

Tonight while I was eating dinner with my family, I had a thought. I started to have a thought about the future and possibilities that may come my way. In particular, I was thinking about the very real chance that I may be called by the Lord to pastor a church in another city or state. With that, I started to think about the very real possibility that the church may not be in a position to support me financially; what would I do? I immediately looked at my current job and wondered about the chances for me to maintain full-time (or part-time?) employment with WORDsearch Corp. working remotely while I pastor a church elsewhere. How would WORDsearch react if that were ever to become a reality? The thought isn’t so much about my job per se, because I know the Lord will provide regardless; but, I must admit that I love my job and what I do and would ever hate to leave it.

Anyway, the thought came to mind as I was looking through some old photos (back in my skinny days) of when Robin & I first met and when we were in our house in Jacksonville, NC. It brought back some nice memories and the very real thought of how much I enjoyed living there. Then I thought about when I found out about Jacksonville Bible Church a couple months ago, and wonder about the probability of God presenting me with a pastorate at that church. That would be wild and I wouldn’t put it past God, and that’s part of what made me think about working remotely. Why? Because I remember what the job market was like when I left, and I wouldn’t want to change jobs if it was a church that couldn’t pay me to be their pastor.

Another reason that all of this comes to mind is that I think about my own pastor and how he worked the night shift at the sheriff’s department during his first few years of pastoring our church until they finally came to the decision that they wanted him to solely focus on being a pastor & dedicating himself to studying the Word. I keep that in mind for myself. It’s definitely not something I’m opposed to because I realize that I’m definitely not in this for the money and am only worried about being where God wants me to be, paid or unpaid.

In talking with my friend, Antoine, tonight, I told him that I’d even be perfectly content if all that God ever had for me was Trailblazin Ministries. I look at other people I know who are ordained and have never pastored a church or had to wait for years for that opportunity. I don’t know what God has in store, but I do know that I’m going to remain diligent and focused whatever my ministry assignment is. All of this is just speculation on my end, as I have no clue what God has in store; all I know is that I will keep my prayers centered on keeping myself in His will. Amen.