There’s a subtle pressure that exists in spiritual spaces that most people don’t say out loud, but you can feel it if you’ve been around it long enough. It’s the idea that in order to really be connected—to really know—you need to have some kind of extraordinary experience. Something beyond the ordinary. Something undeniable. A moment that shifts everything and leaves no room for doubt.
And if you haven’t had that kind of experience, it can leave you wondering if you’re missing something. Not in an obvious, dramatic way… but in a quiet, internal way. Like there’s another level that other people have accessed that you haven’t yet. I’ve felt that. I’ve sat with that tension more than once.
For a long time, I thought that depth was tied to those kinds of moments. That if I could just experience something outside of this physical reality—something like an out-of-body experience or a direct encounter with something beyond—I’d have the clarity I was looking for. Not just intellectually, but experientially. Something that would settle it.
Being Around People Who Have Experienced It
Coming off the retreat in Tulum, I had the opportunity to be around people who have actually had those kinds of experiences. Near-death experiences. Spiritually transformative encounters. Moments where their entire perception of reality shifted in an instant—without them asking for it, and without them being able to ignore it.
And there’s something powerful about hearing those stories directly from people. Not secondhand. Not through a video or a book. But sitting in conversation with someone who has lived through something like that and watching how it’s shaped the way they see life now. There’s a consistency to a lot of those experiences too—common threads that show up across different people, different backgrounds, different situations.
But what stood out to me wasn’t just the experience itself. It was what led up to it.
In many cases, those moments didn’t come from curiosity or exploration. They came from disruption. From trauma. From situations where life had to intervene in a way that forced a shift that wasn’t happening otherwise. And while the outcome was transformation, the pathway to get there wasn’t something you would consciously choose.
The Part That Doesn’t Get Highlighted
We tend to focus on the light, the peace, the clarity that comes from those experiences. And rightfully so—those things are real, and they matter. But we don’t always talk about what it took for someone to get there. The intensity of the moment. The breakdown that preceded the breakthrough.
And sitting with that, I had to ask myself a more honest question than I had before: do I actually need that kind of experience in order to live a connected, meaningful life? Or is there another way to arrive at the same alignment without having to be shaken into it?
Because if I’m being real, there’s a part of me that has always been curious about those experiences. I’ve looked into out-of-body work, read Thomas Campbell, explored what’s possible in that space—not from fear, but from curiosity. From wanting to understand what’s beyond the limits of the physical.
But curiosity and necessity are two different things. And I started to realize I may have been blending the two.
Growing Up Already Oriented Toward the Spiritual
For me, belief in something beyond this physical world was never the barrier. I grew up in church. I was already oriented toward the idea that there is more—that there is a spiritual dimension, that God exists beyond what we can see, that there are layers to reality that aren’t immediately visible.
So I never needed a near-death experience to convince me that something is there. That part was already settled, at least at a foundational level. But even with that foundation, there was still this pull toward something more experiential. Something that would move it from belief into direct knowing.
And I think that’s where a lot of people find themselves. Not necessarily doubting that something exists—but wanting to experience it in a way that removes all ambiguity. Especially if you come from a background where eternity is framed in terms of heaven and hell, and there’s a lot at stake depending on what’s true.
So the desire makes sense. I understand it. I’ve felt it.
The Shift: From Chasing to Being Grounded
What started to become clear for me is that not everyone is meant to experience spirituality through those kinds of disruptions. Some people need that kind of wake-up call because without it, they wouldn’t shift. Their trajectory wouldn’t change.
But there are others who don’t need to be pulled out of their life to see clearly. Their path isn’t about being shaken—it’s about being grounded. About staying present. About learning to recognize what’s already there without needing something extreme to reveal it.
And that realization shifted something for me.
Because instead of asking what I needed to experience, I started paying attention to how I was already being led. Not in some dramatic way—but in subtle, consistent ways that show up in everyday life. The kind of guidance that doesn’t make headlines, but changes how you move through the world.
What This Actually Looks Like in Real Life
For me, that shows up in something like clear knowing. Just an inner sense of what to do, who to connect with, how to respond in a moment without needing to overthink it. And it’s not flashy. It’s not something you can package into a dramatic story.
But it’s incredibly practical.
A simple example—my friend sent me an article about astrology, and within it was a tarot deck that caught my attention. I looked at it, thought it was interesting, but knew it wasn’t for me. At the same time, I remembered another friend who had recently mentioned working with oracle cards and wishing she had more decks.
So I just followed that nudge and sent it to her.
She didn’t ask. She didn’t hint. But when she received it, it landed exactly the way it needed to. And it wasn’t about the deck itself—it was about being seen, being thought of, being supported in something that mattered to her.
That’s what this looks like for me. Not leaving my body. Not traveling to some other realm. Just being present enough to respond to what’s in front of me in a way that brings a little more alignment into the moment.
Letting Go of the Idea That This Is “Less”
There was a point where I genuinely felt like my experience was less than because it didn’t include those kinds of dramatic encounters. Like I was missing out on a deeper layer that other people had access to.
But I don’t see it that way anymore.
There are people who are meant to go through those intense experiences because that’s what it takes to shift them into alignment. And there are people who are meant to live it out in a more steady, grounded way—without needing that level of disruption.
Both are valid. Both serve a purpose.
And neither one is inherently more spiritual than the other.
Curiosity Without Attachment
That doesn’t mean I’ve lost curiosity. I’m still interested in what’s possible beyond this physical experience. I still explore ideas around out-of-body experiences and what it might look like to access those states naturally, without relying on substances or external triggers.
But there’s a difference now.
If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
There’s no longer this underlying sense that I need that experience in order to confirm something for me or to feel at peace. I’m not chasing it in the same way. I’m open to it—but I’m not dependent on it.
And that distinction matters more than I realized.
A More Grounded Way of Living
What I’m learning is that spirituality isn’t always about transcending this life. Sometimes it’s about being more fully present within it. More aware of what’s happening, more responsive to the people around you, more aligned in the way you move through your day.
Not disconnected from reality—but more deeply rooted in it.
And maybe for some of us, that’s the actual work.
Actually, I would argue it’s for all of us.
Not to escape the experience we’re in, but to engage with it more intentionally. To recognize that the connection we’re looking for isn’t always found in extraordinary moments, but in the consistency of how we show up when nothing dramatic is happening.
A Question to Sit With
Have you ever felt like you needed a big spiritual experience to feel connected or aligned?
Or have you found something deeper in simply being present… and learning to trust what’s already unfolding in your life?